Welcome to Hell

Or How Am I Supposed to Survive Without Caffeine and Sugar?

For years now, I’ve been nagged by several doctors about my caffeine addiction. I know it’s bad for my fibromyalgia but how does one function when one isn’t able to open one’s eyes? Not to mention that I get pretty damn cranky when I’m tired and no one wants that. I’ve had people offer me Starbucks just to appease me, as if it were a virginal sacrifice to a sleep-deprived goddess.

When cortisol levels are wonky, as mine tend to be, you have to be careful about your sugar levels. You can easily tip over into diabetic territory, like my father did. Luckily, my blood sugar levels are decent, mostly thanks to my healthy diet, so I really don’t need to worry, but I still use stevia here and there to cut back a bit. I have to avoid corn completely, so no high fructose corn syrup for me. If I have to have a soda, I get the kind with cane sugar. It’s not healthier but I feel less sick at least. And Coke has a formulation with cane sugar and stevia in it, so I feel a bit less guilty drinking that. As you can tell, soda is a weakness of mine. Really, my only vice so my doctors can suck it.

Despite my addictions, I have been trying to cut out both lately. Again. I can cut out sugar relatively easily. That wasn’t so hard, surprisingly. The caffeine, however, is impossible. It cannot be done. I’m on painkillers and muscle relaxers on top of already feeling like I’ve gotten no sleep since my kids were born….19 years ago. I need caffeine. I know that it’s going to make me more jittery, prone to anxiety, and sensitive to pain but the alternative is me with a migraine, getting arrested because someone said something stupid and I hadn’t had a nap. I think, for the safety of all, it’s best if I have just a little tea or something to keep me going.

You’re welcome.

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